TheHollowGirl

You say you love to hear me ramble, yet you always cut me off. You say you want a future with me, yet you see no future for yourself. You say you love to make me smile, yet you always make me cry.

I hate this stench. It clogs my nose. Because my heart begins to race. It's the fragrance of you. Please make this smell go away.

If you could see me now. Would you feel guilty? You set me back 1000 steps. I was doing quite well. Then you dangled a string in front of me. When I tried to grab hold. It snapped under my weight. You knew it would shatter me. Now you sit above it all. Pretending my suffering doesn't matter. Is it my fault for not finding my footing? Or is it yours for hurting an un-stable person.

You cried in front of me. Telling me your woes. I watched you suffer, and pretended as if my problems mattered more. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm sorry I didn't try. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I was so self-adsorbed. Now you're gone. You took in one final breath and jumped. But the jump wasn't that far. It simply snapped your neck. I hope it wasn't painful. I'm sorry I didn't change. I'm sorry I didn't reach out. I'm sorry I didn't care. I'm sorry I wasn't more helpful. But it's okay because I'm right behind you.

Please dont hurt me anymore I can't handle this torture.

Starting the morning off on the wrong foot, is a common occurrence for me. A breakfast that's over-cooked and tastes like rubber. And a bus that runs earlier than expect forcing me to run after it. Nobody to sit with, so I find the destroyed seat near the back. In a group I'm almost always forgotten, another laughter within the crowd. Never invited unless to pay. Never remembered unless needed to pay. Never seen unless needed to pay. Carrying others work, and taking the roles they don't want. Group projects almost always fall on my shoulders. "But aren't we supposed to work together?" Are words that won't come out. I go home with

Breath picking up pace, as if desperate to win first place. Hands shaking with no control over the muscles, causing a rippling tremble along my arms. Tears streaming down my cheeks, with no stop any time soon. My whole mind is filled with fear, unstable and fearful. Stable footing cannot seem to be found. Despite how much I try to calm myself down. If someone were to see me, I'd surely look silly. Like a fearful child afraid of the monster under the bed. Only I'm fearing talking to people, or nothing at all. Fears from silly things like loud noises or someone speaking a different way. Fears from new things, and new places. All thes

What's real innocence? Is it pure virgin whose kept herself for her true love? Is it a young girl whom has yet to know the horrors of the world? Is it a person whose never done wrong? But truthfully none of that matters, because when it comes down to it none of us are really innocent.

That sickly sweet medicine. Dissolved on my tongue, leaving only a residue of flavor. One that lingered for hours on end. Clinging desperately to my taste buds. While the taste lasted, my thoughts always were "how many would I have to take of these to die?" But once the flavor faded, my mind would wander. And one of the other senses would take over. But every time I saw that medicine, I remembered that sickly sweet taste. And those words wold once again travel into my mind. "How many would I have to take of these to die?"

I still read the series to recommended. I still play the games you raved about. I still use the stuffed animal you bought for me. I still water the plant we picked out. I still do all these things, despite you having left long ago.